Thursday, October 23, 2008

Why My Brother Will Not Be Voting For Labour

Got this email from my teenage brother yesterday (in response to my email asking who he might be voting for). It looks clear who he will not be voting for!

As I think you are aware, I will not being voting for Helen Clark and the Labour party. Mainly because she is f**cking ugly. This is not a level of ugliness that is normal, this is the level of ugliness that causes erectile dysfunction. Since I do still plan on getting a girlfriend sometime I feel this could be a huge problem for me some time in the (hopefully) near future.
Having Helen remain as the prime minister would also cause other problems.One of these is that her extremely revolting looks causes an effect similar to "beer goggles". The effect of both "beer goggles" and seeing Helen could cause the situation were an New Zealand male would accidentally hook up with an ugly chick (or, as I call them, an "OMFG-WTF-OHDEARGOD-LOOSE-SOME-WEIGHT-I-THOUGH-I-JUST-SAW-A-COW"). This would be a most unfortunate event, so I feel that it is the best interest of the nation that Labour is not elected for another term. Apparently "beergoggles" is caused by excess consumption of something called "beer". I looked it up to see if it could be excluded from my diet, but sadly it seems to be one of the more important needs of life and should not removed from a healthy person's daily intake.
Helen's level of ugliness is the type that makes me want to grab a knife and cut off my balls in the hope that it will stop me from looking at women in case I ever come across one as ugly as Helen.
So, please, think of my balls and don't vote for Labour.

There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth for the NZ teenage male's reasons for not voting for Labour.

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